Helpless – fading flower.

I feel so heartbroken. I feel so weightened. I feel so helpless and so useless. And there is definitely nothing more than problems I can cause in each step I take on this globe.

I feel I could crush the sky and all mountains around and definitely smash all glass with my prayers and the flames from my heart.

But who will listen to those prayers of mine? Who, now? From that kind of person I am — and such fervent prayers?
“If I do you a favor it might be better for you not to ridicule me in response.”

But that’s what I’m exactly doing.
How then can I approach the heavens and pray for anything else than that I might have something to eat tomorrow?

Yet whatever evil I might seem. I won’t stop inquiring, asking, yelling, crying till I get some response. I will take my example from Abraham oru Father who had famously implored G-d for the evil guys of Sedom.

I will implore and shout and cry and will not stop bothering and going on your nerves, G-d.

Yet, please notice this:
My prayer is not to give a chance to the souls of the wicked.

My prayer is there to ask for mercy for the soul of a righteous.
Is there any hope for mercy for the righteous in this our world of today?!

Believe me. I will hardly need anything more.

Save that little flower before it’s been wiped out from the map of evergreen, heartless grass.

It has already started fading.



Challenges of unknown kind


The word “emeth” – “truth,” also implies perpetuation. As long as an object continues to perform the task that God created it to do, it is considered to be emeth. Conversely, when an object ceases to do its function it is considered to be “sheker” – “false.”

(Mishna Para 8.9, Reshit Chochmah)

There are assignments, requirements, challenges and goals which face the human being, the Jew. The more one gets into the material, the more one discovers. No one has asked my consciousness whether it was willing to go and open all the cards, one by one, and come across all those things which make life so difficult. If it’s up to my experience, this just happens. At a certain point, I just happen to learn about new possibilities to rise my spirit and to educate it.

All at once it would be definitely too much and not quite wise to exaggerate. Everything is a benefit if taken by the right measure.

But well, why does my mind then come across all those various, glorifying and terrifying ideas about how to increase purity?? In my eyes, I can’t handle that. G-d’s help would give me strength, I know. But in my eyes, this would be too much. For me. G-dly presence in my humble home and world is not something I can handle, I believe. Not too much of it. It’s said, G-d has deliberatley “seperated” Himself from us by not walking in our midst at the time of the Exodus. He must have seen a sense in it.

So, again: often I would just like to put the challenges to the side and rather grasp the general concept. I have challenges which might lead to greatest goals in their end. The question is, how much of one’s potential should be used and when?`Is the world needy of that?

I feel it becomes too distinguished… and there are reminders of wise people who’ve been through this obviously too, and who say that the “bad inclination” also supports the strive towards perfection…

Measure or potential? And if yes, how much of it?

It’s the time of the Counting of the Omer. Time of spiritual rising.