Quick note

Sometimes I feel my dreams overwhelming me and enlarging my heart and soul, making me feel greater than life. Me and all my goals I strive for to make true.

And then a moment comes, enough to wipe my dreams away. In a minute. With a tune of some emotional song and some pictures fitting to it. And when I reminisce and realise – my G-d, what was I actually dreaming about?

And ideals vanish, ideas float away, every determination and logic is torn apart and makes these images of hope and wish and desire look so cold and ridiculous, simply too far away and too senseless to be reached.

And there had been a time when I was honestly thinking I might get to that, too.
My mother quoted someone saying “Where there is desire, there are a thousand paths to it, where there is resentment, there are a thousand reasons for it.”

Oh, where to find that boundless desire for all my dreams!…
Oh how to make those dreams and their objects of dreaming not to suffer from my lack of hope sometimes! Not to suffer from time passing by…



Challenges of unknown kind


The word “emeth” – “truth,” also implies perpetuation. As long as an object continues to perform the task that God created it to do, it is considered to be emeth. Conversely, when an object ceases to do its function it is considered to be “sheker” – “false.”

(Mishna Para 8.9, Reshit Chochmah)

There are assignments, requirements, challenges and goals which face the human being, the Jew. The more one gets into the material, the more one discovers. No one has asked my consciousness whether it was willing to go and open all the cards, one by one, and come across all those things which make life so difficult. If it’s up to my experience, this just happens. At a certain point, I just happen to learn about new possibilities to rise my spirit and to educate it.

All at once it would be definitely too much and not quite wise to exaggerate. Everything is a benefit if taken by the right measure.

But well, why does my mind then come across all those various, glorifying and terrifying ideas about how to increase purity?? In my eyes, I can’t handle that. G-d’s help would give me strength, I know. But in my eyes, this would be too much. For me. G-dly presence in my humble home and world is not something I can handle, I believe. Not too much of it. It’s said, G-d has deliberatley “seperated” Himself from us by not walking in our midst at the time of the Exodus. He must have seen a sense in it.

So, again: often I would just like to put the challenges to the side and rather grasp the general concept. I have challenges which might lead to greatest goals in their end. The question is, how much of one’s potential should be used and when?`Is the world needy of that?

I feel it becomes too distinguished… and there are reminders of wise people who’ve been through this obviously too, and who say that the “bad inclination” also supports the strive towards perfection…

Measure or potential? And if yes, how much of it?

It’s the time of the Counting of the Omer. Time of spiritual rising.