Flashback on this 9th of Av


There was a teaching the source of which I don’t remember now.
It says that during the period between Shabat Hazon and 9th of Av, the last days of the mourning period of “Bein ha’metzarim“, a Jewish sould experiences a vision, its personal vision of the 3rd Temple, likewise Yirmiahu (Jeremiah) experienced his vision (we read of it in the haftarah, the additional reading part on Shabat Hazon, therefore it is called Hazon, vision).

I now remember that I had had a vision.
It was prior to Shabat Hazon but I had a dream: in this dream I dreamt of me behaving selfish and ignorant to warnings not to touch or damage things in a cellar within a public building. I think it might had been the synagogue in that dream.
All my friends and all I know had been in that building above.
I had gone down, expecting something joyous for me to happen and just started bouncing the walls and the tubes in that room, paying no attention that this might ve dangerous.

 “Me alone, I hardly will harm anyone”, I had said.

Suddenly the security called from outside. I told them to wait. On their second attempt I asked them what had happened.
They then told me how my action of ignorance brought the whole building to collapse; that everyone except for one child hurt and weeping was being buried under the building.

I woke up, slowly, trembling, and in the belief that I was the murderer of dozens of people – and whoever did or didn’t know of it, the responsability was resting on my shoulders forever.

The first two Temples in Israel collapsed, too.
They collapsed since G-d had removed His right hand from them.
They collapsed because the responsability for their collapse, for G-d MOVING OUT of His home on earth, rested on our shoulders and was caused by us the Jews, by the generations then.
The Jews, by their sins, showed G-d they weren’t ready to live with His presence, under His supervision, with Him. They signaled him, by their lack of responsability feeling, by their blindness to consequences, that they were not really in need of Him.
So He moved out.

Since we haven’t still managed to rebuild the Temple, to provide the spiritual background for it, it is still on our shoulders.. It will remain.

I have learned:
Realise there are consequences to your actions.
Take on the responsability. Even if no one knows that you have it, you know it the best yourself. Don’t run away.

I believe G-d can hear us. Let us give Him something to hear.


PS: Thanks for the ideas provided by Sarah Yocheved Rigler, Shira Smiles in their shiurim.


Challenges of unknown kind


The word “emeth” – “truth,” also implies perpetuation. As long as an object continues to perform the task that God created it to do, it is considered to be emeth. Conversely, when an object ceases to do its function it is considered to be “sheker” – “false.”

(Mishna Para 8.9, Reshit Chochmah)

There are assignments, requirements, challenges and goals which face the human being, the Jew. The more one gets into the material, the more one discovers. No one has asked my consciousness whether it was willing to go and open all the cards, one by one, and come across all those things which make life so difficult. If it’s up to my experience, this just happens. At a certain point, I just happen to learn about new possibilities to rise my spirit and to educate it.

All at once it would be definitely too much and not quite wise to exaggerate. Everything is a benefit if taken by the right measure.

But well, why does my mind then come across all those various, glorifying and terrifying ideas about how to increase purity?? In my eyes, I can’t handle that. G-d’s help would give me strength, I know. But in my eyes, this would be too much. For me. G-dly presence in my humble home and world is not something I can handle, I believe. Not too much of it. It’s said, G-d has deliberatley “seperated” Himself from us by not walking in our midst at the time of the Exodus. He must have seen a sense in it.

So, again: often I would just like to put the challenges to the side and rather grasp the general concept. I have challenges which might lead to greatest goals in their end. The question is, how much of one’s potential should be used and when?`Is the world needy of that?

I feel it becomes too distinguished… and there are reminders of wise people who’ve been through this obviously too, and who say that the “bad inclination” also supports the strive towards perfection…

Measure or potential? And if yes, how much of it?

It’s the time of the Counting of the Omer. Time of spiritual rising.